Last week was rough for me. After spending hours attempting to create a workable schedule for this new season, I encountered several circumstances which foiled all my plans…again. This is my third attempt so far at trying to put all of the pieces together. It seems that every time I think I’ve got a feasible plan, some kind of a hold on things, everything unravels and I am forced back to the drawing board.
The drawing board, of course, is a scary place for me. Since my brains were scrambled nearly two years ago by the onset of stroke-like migraines, I don’t process things the same. So what used to be a simple task is now a painful and laborious one for me. I have sat at the computer with my calendar open and nearly cried in frustration as I have attempted to plug activities into the hours of my day in such a way that doesn’t leave us all gasping for breath and sanity at nightfall. And shortly after I think I have accomplished the nearly impossible, more change comes crashing in, demanding another reset to the whole process.
Add to that the reality of multiple children (five in the home, this season), offering multiple interruptions to an already broken thought process, and you have the makings for a justified mental and emotional breakdown. At least that’s what I imagine it must look like from the outside. To be honest, sometimes it feels that way on the inside, too.
People often tell me what a patient person I am. Well, that or they call me crazy. I laugh because they don’t know the half of it. And because they remind me of the truth which is really taking place, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, and interruption by interruption.
The reality which is being accomplished in me, before the watching eyes of the world I live in (which includes my precious children), is one to be celebrated. For as I persevere in the will of God, doing as He has called me to do despite the difficulties of it, patience is being produced. Little by little, I am becoming the woman He created me to be. And little by little, He is producing the vision He has for my life, and for the lives of those entrusted to me.
It’s not that I have a lot of patience by nature. This patience (which is still so lacking in my own estimation), has grown with each interruption, and been strengthened by each foiled plan which has required another trip to the drawing board. My Pastor once called such things “the ministry of interruption,” alluding to the reality that these types of bombardments on our thoughts and plans can produce something which blesses us, others and God. I didn’t believe Him at the time, but there was a conviction in my spirit which told me it was a truth I needed to embrace and learn from. Now, ten years down the road, and a hundred thousand interruptions later, my life bears witness to that precious truth.
Just for fun, I did a little calculating the other day: 15 interruptions a day (probably more, in truth, but we will start with a conservative estimate of 3 interruptions per kid, times 5 kids), times 7 days a week, times 52 weeks in a year, times 15 years (the number of years I have had children) = 81,900 interruptions this brain has endured! No wonder I feel crazy and confused sometimes!
But no wonder I have become, especially in the eyes of those who are watching, an example of patience! God has indeed been masterful in His work!
Had I known on the front end that I would endure this kind of mental ping-pong, I would have labeled it crazy, too! But now, on the other side of it, or rather in the middle of it (because I’m sure this is far from a finished work), I am beginning to see the slow genius of it all. And I am beginning to welcome the interruptions – even if only after an exasperated sigh.
I hope today that, whatever you are facing, you will remember that God often does His work little by little, and that you will be encouraged to endure by His grace. I hope you will choose to not only endure, but endure believing that He is doing a good work in you and that, at the right time, it will all make sense. And one day, a beautiful and priceless gift will emerge from all the now seemingly dis-connected pieces.
He is faithful and able, and He will do it as you trust Him, dear Woman of Breakthrough!
{Photo images courtesy of http://www.pixabay.com}
She Dances Over Graves 