Today I have the privilege of sharing a story from a young woman who has become family to me. When she first gave her life to Jesus, He tucked her under my wing and I got to be a very intimate part of her journey of growing up in God. The transformation I have witnessed is astounding! It is physically visible on her! And the childlike faith she has is both beautiful and contagious. I have no doubt that she will impact the world with God’s goodness everywhere she goes!
This is the latest piece of her journey, and it’s a tough piece. But I have seen her walk through much tougher, and come out shining! Witnessing her in process has greatly encouraged my own faith and trust, because she continually makes herself raw and vulnerable before God, choosing not to hide her questions and struggles. And God consistently gives her treasures of wisdom and grace in exchange.
As you read her testimony, and maybe even relate to her struggle for breakthrough that hasn’t yet fully come, pray with me for her and for others with a similar story that God will take what the enemy has used for evil and bring good to the multitudes through it, that the journey may not be in vain. I know in my heart that this is bigger than this young woman’s own struggle, and that God is positioning her for more than her own breakthrough. Because that’s just Who He is, and that is always what He does. And this brave, bold and beautiful young woman after His heart is on her way to possessing something an entire generation is in search of: the truth and the light that will dawn in our deepest darkness.
“My name is Kat and this is my resurrection story…
I am 27 years old and am currently trying to finish college. I have around 2 more years to go (at the least). Now, last semester I had been coming home from a trip for my best friend’s birthday, and was sitting in the car thinking about all the school work I was going to have to do that week, and I began to feel stressed out. That morning I had been feeling slightly off from the start. My chest felt sort of tight and so did my back. Going back to that moment in the car, I began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. And because I didn’t know what was happening I started crying and began to fear what was going to happen, because all I knew was that I felt like I was going to die. That was on of the scariest health moments I had ever had in my life.
From that moment on, I began my journey of dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. I went to the doctors and told them how my heart was feeling, and they decided to give me vitamins. They didn’t help. I then had another terrifying panic attack where this time, I was sure something was wrong with my heart and that I was going to die. Doctors ran an EKG on my heart, they took a urine test and X-RAYS, all of which led to the conclusion that my heart and body were doing fine.
But how could that be?! I am the one who could feel my heart. I was telling them something was wrong, but they weren’t listening. Then thoughts began such as, “Well, what if there is something wrong but the doctors aren’t seeing it?!” I pleaded for them to make my heart stop feeling the way it did, and they ended up prescribing me something that would essentially make me go to sleep. Through all of that, I never went and picked up the prescription. I was scared to depend on a drug. Although at times I wish I had gotten it, what I decided to do was to seek God and practice self care.
What I realized is that I had let life gobble me up and take over my mind and my rest. I was going, going, going, and didn’t consider rest or peace. I live under the pressure of what society expected of me: to complete college, and have a partner and so on. It has now been close to five months since I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. It is honestly one of the most difficult times to cry out to the Lord, when you think you may lose your life, or that you are losing control of your body. But the Lord has shown me that I need to rest. I need to sit in silence and turn off my thoughts, take warm baths, and hot showers. Rest is so important, not only for our physical health, but for our mental health as well.
On March 21st of this year I woke up feeling a little bit off the whole day, and sure enough that night I had an extremely scary episode again, where I considered driving to the hospital. But I was able to make it through. However, for the next couple of days, I didn’t end up going to all of my classes and I missed a day of work. Thankfully that was the beginning of my spring break, where I did so much of nothing. I was so thankful to have the opportunity to shut off my mind and focus on rest.
Since then I have been doing so much better, by the grace of God. There are two Scriptures that I feel have really been helping me. The last episode I had, I decided to focus on this scripture to take my mind off of my current physical state:
Philippians 4:8 says “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I essentially was trying to keep mind over matter, and focus on Jesus. Just this week I was reading my bible app, and I found a scripture that stuck out to me, and I believe it purely.
The scripture is found in Proverbs 3:7-8 which states, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from Evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
In my heart, I believe that I am choosing to follow Christ in my life and in my hardships, and that this scripture is speaking to my anxiety and to my panic attacks, saying that if I continue to pursue righteousness and wisdom that my body – including my mind and my soul – will be healed and my bones will be refreshed. I believe in the goodness that God has for me, as I continue seek him and stay still.
What I want anyone to take away from my story is that, if one thing is true, it is this:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Life is crazy, and for our physical and mental health, we must learn to rest in the Lord, even when we feel like it’s physically impossible. God is always good, “For [He] know the plans [He] [has] for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
It’s a process for everyone, and this is a little clip of what mine has looked like for the past few months. Hope is out there, if we just believe.”
{Photo images courtesy of http://www.pixabay.com}
She Dances Over Graves 